Relating In a Relationship: Reference Sheet



You may often be in a one-on-one situation where the other person will be focused directly on you and how you respond. Communication is made up of many components, including:

    • What you say verbally (the words you choose to use)

    • What your tone, body, eyes and face say

    • What you are saying to yourself while you are listening to another person

    • When you say something in response

    • How you say something

The following concepts are important in order to understand how you may have an impact on those you communicate with and how they may have an impact on you.

 

Having Boundaries Means Having:

    • A sense of your own non-verbal communication

    • A sense of where you end and where another person begins

    • An awareness of your rights and responsibilities

    • An understanding of yourself – in order to set your own limits

    • An awareness of your limits: what makes you comfortable or uncomfortable

    • An awareness of your mental, emotional, spiritual, physical, and financial capabilities

 

Listening Means:

    • A commitment on your part to hear what is being said and to give encouragement to the speaker

    • Caring about what is happening in your life and knowing that your experiences are important

    • Having an awareness about your importance in the world and how your presence impacts relationships around you

    • A sense of when it is important to silently take in information and allow another person to speak

    • The confidence to ask questions when you need clarity about things being said to you and knowing that all your questions are important and have meaning

    • Self-awareness about your reactions both verbally and non-verbally, which helps you to be honest, respectful, and to be supportive of the speaker

    • Consciously giving feedback in constructive and meaningful ways.

 

Listening is hard work! It is not just about passively absorbing information, it is about hearing and understanding the meaning of the information.

 

Barriers to Listening

    • Daydreaming and thinking about your own life while someone is sharing there experiences and emotions with you

    • Wanting to fix the situation or the other person, trying to have the “right” answer

    • Comparing the other person to yourself

    • Pre-judging what the other person is saying before you have fully understood what they mean

    • Being pre-occupied with your own experiences and letting those feelings get in the way of hearing the other person